help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
