I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
