Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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