You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
