I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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