I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
