One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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