im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh god it's open bar.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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