he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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