pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
