my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can text with my tongue
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
