70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
