I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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