plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
