Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize