Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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