You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
