it wasn't lemon gatorade
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize