census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
