I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
