we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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