she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
