all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
