8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
