Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
