if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
