One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
