I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
