Swine flu. Run for my life!
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
