hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
