I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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