Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
