We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
