Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
