I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
