well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My vagina is very pro this idea
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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