mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
