he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
