you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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