I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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