This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
