Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize