Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
