woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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