Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
