how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
