Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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