Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
