did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
