Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
