She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
