somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Two words: blizzard sex
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
