I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
