I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
