Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize