so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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