my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
