I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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