He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
