i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
