That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
