Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize