Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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